HORIZON MC by Clara Kendrick

Author:Clara Kendrick [Kendrick, Clara]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-07-16T03:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

Dreams were funny things. When I was a kid, I’d loved dreaming. I couldn’t necessarily control the contents of my dreams, but I always liked the episodes that seemed to impart some superhero strengths to me, like when I dreamt of flying or running really fast or doing something heroic. When I was that young, I thought that heroics were some kind of business best left up to people with super powers. I wasn’t yet aware that regular people were capable of heroics or of horrors. My existence was a simple one, boiled down to two sides, a good guy and a bad guy, pure heroes and dastardly evildoers.

Maybe it was naive of me, but when I enlisted, intent on serving in Iraq, I still believed a little bit in that dumbed-down version of the world, that there was only black and white no gray areas for people to get confused and muck about in. I wanted to be on the side of good, wanted to be a hero, wanted to really put it to the bad guys.

Suffice it to say that my dreams weren’t full of heroics anymore. The scenarios that presented themselves to me while I was asleep were myriad, only a handful of them true, but all of them painful. There were so many shades of gray that I waded through those nights, aware that I was reliving or revisiting painful events or shut-off memories, but unable to drag myself up to wakefulness.

It was a simple thing, to will oneself awake during a nightmare, but it was as far away from my own abilities as the super power of becoming invisible.

I once heard that Jack dreamt of things from a past he couldn’t remember, but I’d never asked him about it. Dreams were personal things, and they were a whole different animal for him. I knew that he kept a detailed record of them, treated them like they were archived background information about himself that would help him piece his life back together. It was heartbreaking if you spent too much time thinking about that, the way that had to feel for Jack, but to me, I secretly felt it must not be that bad. I wished I could view my dreams as a movie, or something that had happened to somebody else. And I knew I wasn’t the only one in Horizon MC who wished, at least from time to time, that they could trade places with Jack and be able to forget a few of the worst shit that plagued them.

It was maybe a terrible thing to wish for, but there it was.

Being with Amy had made me wish for that a lot less often. She hadn’t asked me anymore questions about my past since we’d been together, and I was grateful for that. Amy made me feel like my future was more important than my past, and that was something. For the first time in a long time, I was looking forward to the future, especially when I saw Amy in it.

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